Learning to Love Yourself

One concept that I have struggled with for years is accepting myself for who I am, and finding love for myself without depending on the love of others to validate my existence.

But self love isn’t always about just loving yourself, it’s about being kind to your mind, body and spirit, by drinking enough water, giving your body the nutrients it needs to survive, and enlightening your soul with experiences and connections to the outside world.

Growing up, I was a people pleaser and I was always concerned on whether or not people liked me. I was always the quiet one in class, but I thought that my generosity would be able to get me far in life. I didn’t live my life to my authentic self but rather on the accord of others and I constantly kept finding myself miserable because I kept allowing my self-worth and value to be determined by external factors and the opinions of others.

I was miserable.

I kept telling myself throughout my teen years that I did love myself and I would try to learn how to love the parts of my body or my personality that I despised. However, again that soon became me picking out more flaws and me trying to fit body image types that were not meant for my body. It took me years to figure out how to be comfortable with my body and provide it with the nutrients it needs to survive.

I never had trouble falling in love with the people around me. I depended a lot of my existence on the presence of others and did not really step out to live my own life unless I was accompanied by someone else. Me falling in love with people did hurt me at the end of the day as I put my entire worth in the validation of others and only felt worthy if other people deemed me worthy.

I refused to accept who I am because I wanted to be recognized as a certain kind of person. I wanted people to perceive me in a certain way, which also resulted in friendships that were shallow and inauthentic and were not meant to last.

I was miserable.

What held me back for the majority of my life was the fear of being judged and the lack of self love and acceptance that I had for myself. I kept relying on other people when other people could not give me the love that I was trying so hard to look for. I had to learn that I needed to give it to myself before I could ever expect other people to return that love.

I also relied a lot on the fact that outdoor activities or any activity at all should not be done alone, and is also better with the company of others. While yes, some activities may be more exciting with other people, it’s okay to do things by yourself and have some time to just explore.

Life is so short, and it’s easy to get caught up in the midst of it. Do not allow yourself to fill your life with stories of “what ifs” and instead just go ahead and do what you need to do in order to better yourself and grow as a person. You do not need another person or another body in order to exist. I do not need another person in order to validate my experiences or validate my reasonings to spend time outdoors.

Self love looks differently for everyone, but the biggest component is to be able to spend some time with yourself, and reflect on your interests and who you are as a person, and to not be afraid to confront the ugly sides. My self love consists of regularly eating healthy meals, drinking plenty of water, doing things that make me happy, and finding comfort with being alone. Being comfortable with being alone has always been the hardest thing for me, but I am beginning to find the beauty in having experiences that are personal to me and no one else.

Hating yourself and beating yourself up on a consistent basis is such an easy thing to do because we can avoid responsibility for something. But learning to love yourself is such a difficult feat because you are forced to confront and learn more about yourself, and you have to learn to take responsibility for you and your life. Now I still struggle with this, it’s not easy, but it’s important to recognize that hating yourself is the easy way out, and loving yourself is hard, but more than worth the effort.

Welcome to the New Normal

As stay-at-home orders are set to be lifted in the next week here in Colorado, we are all anxious and excited to return to our old lives and have everything go back to normal.

Unfortunately, the lives that we had before COVID-19 are a thing of the past, and it would be nearly impossible to go back to the fully functioning society that we once were. Once stay at-home orders are lifted, it does not mean that we will immediately return to our normal lives. It will likely begin in phases, and may not even feel like we are free of the stay-at-home orders.

We may be able to have a taste of normalcy, whatever that will look like, but it will be very limited and a slow progression. Massive gatherings in public spaces, restaurants, retail stores, and other businesses that require masses of people may not be able to reopen and be fully operational for months, or until we can get more people tested for the virus and are able to get the resources that we need.

With the acceptance that life will not return to the normal that we all once knew, we must be okay with what is so. By remaining in the present and not dwelling on the past we’ll be able to achieve growth and advancement during these trying times. The coronavirus is not going anywhere, and will remain in our communities until a vaccine is developed and administered to the public.

There is no use in protesting or fighting a pandemic, it literally does not even make any sense. We need to be able to put our own selfish desires away and remember that we are all apart of a bigger community and we must do our part in order to positively contribute to our communities.

As we begin reopening our society, I encourage you to remain open-minded and flexible with everything that is happening. There’s no use in blaming others for what happened, or becoming frustrated with loved ones. This is a trying time, and one that was unprecedented. We were never prepared for a pandemic or an international emergency like this.

It’s okay if things are not working out, and it’s okay to not be okay. Nothing is like how it used to be, and we are living in uncharted territory. By dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, you’ll miss any opportunities that are in front of you. With this time, you have the power to do what you want in your life and to feel satisfied, you have the power to create a new normal for yourself, whatever that may look like.

Creating a Work From Home Routine

It’s a Monday morning, and you’re sitting at your makeshift desk in your living room / dining room combo, and sipping on your bland coffee that you had to make from your coffee maker instead of your favorite coffee shop. Although it’s well past 9am and you’ve had breakfast, you feel exhausted, and the commute was less than two seconds.

Many of us have suddenly found ourselves working from home for the time being. This can be an adjustment for many, like my significant other who struggles being productive at home, and depended on going to coffee shops or into the office to do his work, then there’s me who has been working from home for a while, and already built a routine around working from home.

The biggest struggle most people run into when working from home is the lack of a solid work-life balance. Experts say that we should maintain our normal routines as much as possible, but that could be difficult for a lot of professions. It is also difficult to shut off the office and work when you’re doing it in your own home. When working in an office, there’s a commute involved and a solid time period where you’re able to log off of work and look forward to going home. Though now, the lack of separation and commute can make it much more difficult to sign off of work, or to get into the mood to be productive.

Be sure to create clear separations between your life and your work life. Be able to make the time and point to say that you are signing off of work for the day, and you’re making time for yourself. This is the perfect time to be selfish and partake in hobbies that you enjoy.

Do not work overtime if it is not necessary, do not work overtime especially if you are not getting paid for those efforts. Working from home has its ups and downs, and although the lack of commute can be nice, it may also make us want to start work earlier, and end work later because we can “get more done”. Yes, the lack of commute may be an incentive to put in a couple extra hours because of the extra time, but you’re also putting unnecessary stress on yourself that likely isn’t significantly boosting your productivity.

People often work without taking appropriate breaks, or they just grind for hours on end. I recommend trying the Pomodoro method. It’s meant to help people time manage and find breaks in their long lists of tasks. This way this method actually takes advantage of when you’re the most productive in your tasks, while allowing time for appropriate breaks that are short and brief, and allows you to quickly get back to the tasks at hand.

1. Set out tasks
2. Set a timer for 25 minutes
3. Take a five minute break
4. repeat steps 2 and 3, three more times
5. Then after the fourth Pomodoro take a 15-30 minute break

If you’re someone who doesn’t like to be interrupted with numerous timers while doing their work, then I recommend making a timed To-Do list, where you write down your priorities but then organize them by the time ranges you’d like the items to be completed by. That way, you can keep track of tasks and see what may be taking up more time than expected.

Breaks should include some form of exercise, even if it means walking to your mailbox and back. Ways to decompress, so a cup of tea or a snack would also be a great break.

Avoid sitting down to watch T.V., as this can completely ruin your sense of productivity and you’ll also lose track of time this way as well. Avoid having phone calls not related to work during the day, as this will also distract you from productivity.

Set a time to work and stick to it. If you are going to work from 9:00-5:00pm, do not be working before 9:00 and do not be working past 5:00pm unless completely necessary. Finding looseness and strictness in your routine will also help you find the places where you are most and least productive. Being strict with this kind of time-frame will also allow you to build that separation between work and play, and will actually allow you to relax at the end of your work day.

At the end of the day, do not feel guilty or disappointed in the work that you have put in today. Take a moment to be grateful that you have a job that you can go to and an income that will help you pay your bills and for your food. Be thankful for that the work you put in was your best, and if it wasn’t, then tomorrow you’ll a better person than you were the day before, and that is all anyone can ask from you.

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