A Fellow Crime Junkie

If you know me really well, you would know that I have an obsession with murder mysteries and crime documentaries and that my favorite movie genre is horror/thriller. Even though I am all-around anxious person, I am incredibly intrigued by murder mysteries and crime not because I enjoy getting scared, but because I am so interested in what triggers people into committing such heinous crimes and whether it was something that was pre-mediated or an act of passion.

A big reason why I actually became a Psychology major was so that I could better understand human behavior and in turn hopefully understand people who committed terrible acts. Unfortunately my college didn’t really offer the courses that I was hoping for, but my obsession over these topics still continue today.

Throughout quarantine I have been able to exhaust nearly every single murder/crime documentary on Netflix, and I have now grown fairly fond of a podcast called Crime Junkie, where every week there’s a new episode about murders, wanted people, missing people, conspiracies, etc. It is literally my crime heaven. Their website at crimejunkie.com also provides much more information about their episodes like maps and resources which makes the entire case much more interesting to get into. I love being able to follow along in the episode myself by exploring their website and doing a bit of digging myself.

This is the first time that I have actually been able to sit down and listen to a podcast and not get distracted by what is going on around me. If you’re like me and love crimes and are looking for a very immersive podcast to listen to then I highly recommend Crime Junkie where Ashley Flowers and Brit Prawat take you through emotionally chilling journeys and offer their own insights of the cases as well.

becoming blue

i don’t remember when it all started. when the colors began to fade, i only remember the feeling, and how it made me feel that day. but as the days turn into weeks, and weeks become months, i forget what it’s like to see yellow for once.

i remember when i was younger, and didn’t have a clue, about any of the dangers of feeling too blue. back then i was young, happy, and carefree, i didn’t even notice all the rainbows beside me.

as i got older, and things started to change, it seemed that some colors were better but the same. i could never shake the feeling of being blue, and settled on this is who i am, through and through. i believed happiness was beyond me, a privilege for others.

being young is the ultimate privilege, of seeing life without a filter. everything around you is full of glitter. The possibilities are endless, the colors so bright, the innocence gleams over all their eyes.

it was when the colors turned red, and danced with the color blue, it was the feeling of purple, it was something so new. it was not one of happiness, it was more of a distraction. i still cannot believe no one noticed my dissatisfaction.

some days are so hard, when you’re feeling all alone. and the grey creeps up, and covers you like a cloak. some days the cloak holds you tight, and says the light outside is dangerous. that leaving the bed is dangerous. that being who you are is dangerous. when the cloak falls asleep it’s my chance to break out, i see the light, the colors so bright.

but the bright colors can be a lot, too much i haven’t seen. and my brain says blue is the only color it’ll see. so i return the cloak, and it holds me close, and fall asleep, dreaming of the rainbow.